My eyes snap open, and I can tell right away by the tone of the light that it's exactly 6 a.m. I sit up swinging my bare feet in an arc off the bed to the floor. I can feel the energy of life. It will not be one of those days.
I will not procrastinate. I won't fall back asleep. Not today. When I open the window, the birds, which are chirping like crazy, get even louder, and the spring air exhilirates me.
Yesterday, I woke up heavy and apathetic but today, I feel serene, yet full of potential. Like a coiled spring.
At the toilet, my stream is straight and strong, virile, powerful, liberating. I don't really need to brush my teeth, but the extra-minty flavor tingles pleasantly in my mouth. In fact, my whole body is buzzing.
I must stay focused. There is no room for hesitation.I must follow the plan. So I march straight to the living room couch, sit down, lift the gun from the coffee table and put the heavy steel barrel in my mouth. I feel so alive.